While travelling, you need to learn to let people go. You can spend the most amazing moments of your life with someone, but after a while, it’s time to move forward. Most companions you’ve met on your way have already acquired this truth, so don’t look back, because it will only make you feel sad. This is one of the most important things I’ve learned so far.

My first week in the motherland, after pretty long time abroad is coming to an end. The first week of spending time with people, friends, constantly talking, discussing, listening to others opinions, giving your own ones, eating together, drinking together and getting drunk.
And I cannot say it’s bad or I don’t like it ? I missed them all a lot, but on the other hand I feel like I was losing myself.
But why is that?
Let’s rewind to 2015….
More than a year ago, before I left to Bangkok, you could’ve called me a hundred percent party animal. Not only was I a very sociable person, I was renting a big flat in a city centre as well. And believe me ? that place was a catch. It fast became a well-known meetup point for every before party, afterparty, a couple of bottles of wine on Wednesday afternoon or a breakfast with a champagne on Sunday morning (after 1 pm, because there’s no life before 1 pm on Sunday).
I was surrounded by people all the time, and that felt good.

Unfortunately(?), as life went on, from one party to another, it was inevitable to finally experience a moment, when my friends weren’t available. A Rainy evening, everyone preferred to leave his tired body at home. Everyone but me! Friday or Tuesday there was no way to accept “doing nothing”! Objection!
…but there was nothing….and it took me a longer while before I realised what was happening: I had to face my own thoughts ? and to be honest ? I was terrified. One evening seemed to be too much.

A few months later I landed in a city where I was a complete stranger: Small girl lost in big Bangkok, carrying a suitcase with some clothes and a remote office.
This is where the story began.

The first night, after I finished my work I went to China Town. At the beginning a bit shy, carefully choosing which street should I go, I fast became amazed by the colourful lights and mesmerised by the festival of irresistible aromas. Day by day I was getting braver and less afraid of talking to people I didn’t know. I finally got rid of that kind of days that happened to me at the very beginning of my journey ? when I didn’t even open my mouth throughout the whole day for the purpose other than eating something.
But what’s more important I was walking and thinking. Long hours, 20-30 kilometres per day. Getting lost a countless number of times, then always finding the way back. Experiencing, tasting, analysing – everything solo. And then, after more than a week it happened ? I started crying.

 

Bangkok, 17th January 2016

Sitting on the bank of the Chao Phraya river I was slowly beginning to understand, that I cannot be afraid of my own company, that I should learn how to listen to my thoughts and feelings and that before finding thousand of new friends ? I need to find myself.

Bangkok, 17th January 2016

From that moment my whole trip changed its look. It was the best therapy, and after a month when I had to go back to my country I already knew it isn’t over.

Bangkok, 20th January 2016

What was I doing two weeks later at 7 in the morning with a drink in an infinity pool on 47th floor….in Kuala Lumpur, who and why didn’t like me to continue my therapy-journey and why is it always worth to listen to your heart ? next time 🙂